he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I smell like Dick and happiness
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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