Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
