batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
