After last night, I could never be a politician.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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