DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
high people should be assigned attendants
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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