i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
