the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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