Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
