do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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