My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
