if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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