you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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