i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
