All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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