woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
