I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
