I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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