I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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