i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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