Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
