Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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