We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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