I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
