Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
