Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
