The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We don't watch enough power rangers
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
