Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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