Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
