I will die if light touches me.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm really busy with my period
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