i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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