Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
