i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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