Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
