I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
