Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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