I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
