I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
