what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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