i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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