That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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