This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
