I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
