Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
