I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
