I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
