this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
