: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
my poor anus
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
