...so i touched it.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
