he thought i was a dude.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize
