Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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