Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
