Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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