it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
