Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
