you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
