Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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