Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Oh god it's open bar.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
