so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
